6 am...

I almost drowned few times. That's such a helpless feeling but here's the difference now, I've never felt like drowning outside the sea. Have you ever felt like drowning? The problem is, in the sea you can either drown or somehow save yourself, here there's no help. I can sit in my bed, listen to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sxso0m3KjEA for a hundred times and nothing will change. This is a song from Croatian band, oh God, if you could only understand it. Fucking shit, it's amazing. Not just this one, they have such and indescribable talent to transform feelings in songs. They don't usually write love songs or anythings, but the songs they write are so powerful. Their talent to write these songs is as indescribable as my talent to screw everything up. It's like the desire in me to run away when things start to feel too good or something like that. Firstly I don't care but in the end I'm the only one who has to pay for my mistakes. This was just another fuckshitfuck I've done and right now I'm paying for it.

Oh, I'm so much paying for it. And I'm not sure whether the problem is my inability to try to make things right or there is just no way to make things right. I'm never sure should I try to do something or should I just here and wait for life to make this right. I think it's time to go to bed... before I do anything stupid. Nighty