Too much.

There's just so much pressure, so much pain, so much hatred and I have no one to talk about it. It's just like it has been accumulating in me for past few years and now my body it's so full of it that there's no place anymore. Since I've never learned how to show my emotions to other people I have to leave them in my room when I walk out. It seems as if I leave them behind my doors so no one can see them and when I get back they just jump back on me, pull me to the ground and don't let  me stand up until I have to leave house again. I have a perfect mask for walking around my school, going on coffee, walking around my town, going to buy another pack of cigarettes. That's probably due to so much acting that I'm fine. Maybe it's a good thing, no one knows what's going on therefore no one is concerned and worried. It's just up to me how much time can I do this until it explode. Sometimes when I'm with my friends, it s just like I'm lost, like I don't know anyone and then I stare at them pretending that everything they say is funny, and that everything is great while I'm thinking to myself "I want to run away" and it sad. Just like Nicole, cut off.